you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
