so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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