There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
