that's an acceptable place to lick
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
