his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
