I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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