i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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