Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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