Pappa wants mamma naked
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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