shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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