We got so high we made milksteak
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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