smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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