Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
