I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
