please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
