You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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