So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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