YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
