Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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