Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
