If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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