i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
