Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize