And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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