bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
