Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
