my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
