Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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