you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
