is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
