You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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