You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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