gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
