it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
