I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
They have beer where we have blood.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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