Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
