just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
