I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
