I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
