Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
