now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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