I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
