Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
