You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
