We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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