So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
then he tried to convert me to islam
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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