Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize