well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
