I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I could fuck to npr.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
