I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
