Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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