Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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