Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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