I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
