On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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