did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
