she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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