i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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