I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Damn victory sex feels great
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
