i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
