I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The adults are the big ones right?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
