Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
