and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just pee around me
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
