The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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