i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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