So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
