Your face is a jimmy john
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I am spending my child support on dildos
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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