He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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