haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
