thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
