I'll bet she douches with gravy.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
