I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
