I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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