I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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