If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she peed on how many people?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
