The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
