So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
