Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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