It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
