bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
