If that was your dad, he is hot
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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