I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
