But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
